if there was an ambient sound behind the ticking at the beginning i would have had more patience for it and maybe even began to enjoy it if I was in the right mindstate. A very smart person once said layers are your friend, and I think you yourself know that you need more going on in this song for it to be captivating. I personally enjoy the dissonant and harsh sounds of the ticking, but generally, people want a sound that is smoother and cleaner. The more in depth you get into the process of utilizing your DAW, instruments, or whatever you are using to make, manipulate, and arrange sound with, the better your outcome will be and the more confident you will feel about what came out. This doesn't just apply to music, or animation, or something creative, it applies to everything. spend time with your tools, and with the exercise and process of creating, and you will be more comfortable and create better sounds.
I was going to give this just one star. When I heard the rapid arrangement of sounds at the end, I felt that it deserved another half a star because that actually did pique my fancy a little bit. I think this would be excellent video game music just the way it is. This song is not essentially, or inherently bad. Your perspective is the reason I am rating you low, because you know you wanted a finished audio product with more work and more depth of sound put into it, and it is obvious. I commend you for being honest with how awful you feel about your work, but you shouldn't feel awful because that feeling will get in the way of your success.
Like I said, if this was part of a flash game, and the flash game was really good, and the pacing mechanics and theme of the game was matched very well by this audio track, it could fit and deserve 5 stars if it was a 5 star game. different things fit in different places.